


to love a thing is wanting it to live

by erythea



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:41:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28686516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erythea/pseuds/erythea
Summary: The first time Yan Qing kills a man, all he feels is anger.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11
Collections: Fate Week 2021 Fic Collection





	to love a thing is wanting it to live

**Author's Note:**

> For Day 1 of Fate Week! The prompts were Memory and Hero/Villain, so I repurposed something I never published and tried to do a bit of both here with Yan Qing, since not a lot of people are familiar with his backstory...
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm Asian but not Chinese so if there's anything disrespectful or wrong here, let me know.
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/erythean)!

The first time Yan Qing kills a man, all he feels is anger. It is red and thick. A vile, metallic taste in his mouth that mixes with the mud this land makes him drink. All men are brothers, but some are closer than others. They covet. They conspire. They cast you out of your own home and brand you a criminal. Yan Qing is the criminal's son, so he carries the sins of his father. They throw him to the dogs.

And it's not like he hasn't tasted dirt before. He remembers his days on the streets, bones frail and stomach empty, searching for a family that will never return. He knows the value of his life. A boy with no riches has no purpose. A child with no name has no future.

Then one day, a man gives him everything.

Ten years pass, and they take the man away.

Yan Qing won't allow it. Bow in hand, he follows this man and his executioner out of the city, over the plains, and down a dirt road no one is meant to follow.

Yan Qing doesn't know about family, but he knows what this man taught him.

Li: propriety. How a person should act among society. How one should treat others.

When you are young and don't know any better, when you are naive and expect the best from the world, you follow the Analects your parents taught you. Not because you are a scholar, but because they are ingrained in the back of your mind, repeating themselves over and over, as if they are penance for a past sin you do not remember committing.

This man does not know Yan Qing's sins, but he clothes him. He feeds him. He gives him a home and calls him son. It is not Yan Qing's nature to do what is right, but when you are shown kindness, you return it. You serve the man who saves you. You offer him your life.

The first time Yan Qing kills a man, he kills for him.

Ren: benevolence. How a parent should treat his child. A child's devotion to his father.

This man should have known better. Yan Qing was a beggar. Sometimes, a thief. An orphan was another mouth to feed. But whenever Yan Qing reached for his plate, his fingers no longer covered in bruises and grime, this man always looked at him with gentle eyes.

To love a thing is wanting it to live.

The first time Yan Qing kills a man, it is out of fear for something he will never know again.

Yi: to do what is right no matter the consequences.

This man is foolish. He is too kind. He lets others take his wealth and power. Yan Qing knows all of his faults, so he makes up for them. He learns every tongue and practices every strike. To Yan Qing, this man is everything: brave, rich, and noble. So Yan Qing finds his purpose. He won't let this man lose face. He won't let this man fall.

And then the world betrays him — his wife, his people, his country and all.

But his child is still here.

Yan Qing is a demon of burning anger and cold vengeance, bitter sorrow and crystal fear. He takes that fear and draws it with his bow.

This man didn't raise him like this, he knows. But the only men who follow Confucius are the men who can buy him. Yan Qing owns nothing but blood and pride. He has nothing left to lose.

The first time Yan Qing kills a man, he doesn't hesitate.

When he shoots the executioner, he aims for his head.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/erythean)!


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